Friday, May 4, 2012

Colic

Colic is a thing. A thing which no-one really knows what it is. Like electricity. No, wait, clever people probably know what that is. Ok, dark matter. Clever people can’t find that, and they’re clever.

No-one really knows what colic is, not even Wikipedia, which has the following to say on the matter:

“Colic, right, is, erm, yeah……when your baby cries. For ages. Because it’s got colic. And stuff.”

Wikipedia didn’t really say that.  I did. But it’s paraphrased. I may even go and edit the article in a minute.

The world is so unsure about colic that it can’t even decide whether a baby HAS colic, IS colic, GETS colic or what.

But, unlike dark matter (have they tried looking under the fridge I wonder? I bet that’s where it is) I can tell you EXACTLY where to find colic. You can find colic in my house. My baby is OOZING colic. He’s like a COLIC MINE. I’m going to set up a stall at our local farmer’s market (natch) in an attempt to offload some of the abundance of colic there is in my life right now.

Colic is a bitch.  A bastard of the highest order. Our baby has been/had/is/got colic for about a week so far. That’s nothing. The people who don’t know what colic is certainly do have some thoughts on how long it can stick around: up to a YEAR.

There’s also plenty out there on the side effects of colic: emotional stress, feelings of inadequacy in parents, low self esteem, resentment, marital discord, postpartum depression. There are even studies attributing car accidents to colic. I’m sure I heard that Hitler had colic, and we all know how well that turned out.

See those stars? They're colic. Probably.

To be serious for just a moment, colic has the potential to be genuinely devastating. If your baby has/is/gets/oozes colic I would encourage you to seek out any and all support available to you. Also remember this: it is not your fault.

It is not because you are doing something wrong as a parent.

It is not because of something you did during the pregnancy.

It is not just your baby. It is not unusual.

It will pass, it will improve, you will have that shiny beautiful tiny person back.

(In case it’s not obvious to anyone, I am telling myself these things as much as I’m telling anyone else who reads this)

Once again, I’m left feeling guilty for not being able to do anything to help Mrs L through the long, scream-filled days she is currently dealing with, while I go to work and feel like someone’s secretly lobotomised me during the night.

He tends to sleep in the night (so far, fingers crossed, sacrifices made to the God of colic) and save his unbridled fury for Mrs L to deal with during the day. So I get just a small portion of the colic. A snippet. A modicum of colic.

Mrs L gets the full fat version. The unlimited use package. I feel so bad as I leave the house, it just doesn’t seem fair.

So now it’s over to you. Your suggestions in my comment area: what is colic? What are your experiences of colic? What is the best animal to sacrifice or witchcraft to perform to exorcise our home of this elusive yet utterly pervasive…thing?

Colic: it can fuck ever so off.

24 comments:

  1. The Colic Monster is the Tooth Fairies evil bitch cousin. She is inevitable. Sorry you are suffering - all 3 of you.
    My mum would always get my boys and lay them tummy down across her knees, so that their stomach was stretched, and then gently rub their back? Maybe give that a whirl?
    It will pass. It just doesn't feel like it now.
    ps) takes Mrs L back some wine. She may need it.
    pps) i didnt want to be "anonymous" but it kept telling me in BIG RED LETTERS that my URL was illegal. It isn't. Its Han (mamabearwithme)

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    1. Well, he's been better for the past couple of days (I was out of the house, hopefully just coincidence!) and we've got Infacol so maybe he's going to give it a rest for a bit.

      Illegal URL, I'd quite like one of those I think.

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  2. Oh god I feel for you and your wife. Isaac had colic for the first 4 months of his life. It was, to put it bluntly, fucking awful. It breaks your heart that you can't help, and nobody can tell you what it going on.
    However, a couple of months ago I was rushed into hospital with the 'adult' version of colic and I'll tell you, I was screaming. So I totally get why babies cry if it's the same thing.
    Good luck lovely- I second the suggestion of wine above!!

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    1. I didn't know there was an adult version! Sounds horrible, assume you're all better now?

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  3. Our little man had it for a spell too. Infacol was pants - he threw that up and it made it worse. We did the putting him on his belly across our knees and rubbing his back which helped a little. We ended up using Colief which was a bit of a faff what with breastfeeding but that did the trick for us.

    It is just heartbreaking when you feel helpless and useless. Remember it definitely isn't a reflection on the two of you as parents. Send hugs to Mrs L x Oh, do you need one too? *group hug*

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  4. My son had colic, out of desperation I tried acupunture, I didn't think it would do anything, but hey it was an afternoon out - and you know what - next day I had a totally different baby. It wore off after a few days and I had to go back, but after the third treatment he was fine. Acupunturist also said if breastfeeding avoid all the foods that would give you wind (brown rice, brown bread, beans, strawberries) and eat things that warm you (I don't mean hot food) things like ginger.

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    1. This is very interesting. I'd definitely be up for giving that a try, will bear it in mind.

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  5. Infacol. You need infacol. It's the only thing that can be given from birth, after a month old we used Woodward's gripe water which was a magic potion. But they've suspended manufacturing it until they have sorted out licensing issues.

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    1. Infacol has been deployed, will keep an eye out for Gripe Water, which is possibly the best product name I've heard :-)

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  6. Theboyandme - i totally agree. Hope it improves soon. My boy used to be a daytime nightmare then turn into an angel the minute daddy came home. I used to meet him at the front door in tears. It wont last forever but once you get over that then comes teething.

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    1. Your tale sounds very familiar :-( Good to know there's something equally wonderful to look forward to ;-)

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  7. DD had colic every night for what seemed like YEARS. She would be as sweet as honey all day long and then at 7pm she would morph into a devil. Her screams would resonate inside my head at just the right frequency to cause me to lose my sanity. I wore a grove in the carpet walking her up and down all night long and I swear I fell asleep walking once or twice. And I agree with TheBoyAndMe - you need Infacol. It isn't a magic potion but it does help. Best of luck!

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    1. I count myself fortunate that the bulk of his screaming is during the day, though obviously that isn't great for Mrs L...

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  8. I really feel for you! Bob suffered with colic. We tried everything but the only thing that worked for her was Colief. Apparently it depends what's causing it. Infacol helps release trapped wind, Colief helps break down lactose. Hope it gets better soon!

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    1. Will have to have a look for Colief, if that doesn't work: voodoo.

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    2. Think it's a pharmacy thing. They keep it under lock and key in supermarket chemists and you have to ask for it. It's quite expensive but so worth it! Fingers crossed!

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  9. Oh Honey. That is so awful and poor poor Ms L. Look after her. Spoil her.
    We tried Infacol with W but to be honest the only things that soothed him were his dummy ad weirdly bouncing along to Billy Idol's "We didn't start the fire". I still know all the words.

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    1. NOT Billy Idol, Billy Joel....am a dumbass.

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  10. Colic for us was "colic, and they'll grow out of it", as people like my family told told us. Which didn't help nor make us feel better.
    Interestingly it wasn't colic but reflux. Which is really common. Vomiting up feeds. Baby hunched and scrunched and then stretching out in pain after feeds. Not nice.
    I hope it farks off soon. :-)

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  11. Oh yes, Ethan had colic. We found colief worked but not infacol... However, at 10 weeks old Ethan was diagnosed with reflux and suddenly it all made sense. Ethan used to bring whole feeds back p, projectile style. He didn't gain enough weight either. Infant gaviscon helped a lot in these areas. Keep speaking to doctors and HVs if the symptoms don't improve, especially if he vomits a lot.

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  12. Great post - I would love for you to share this at the <a href="http://mumsmakelists.blogspot.co.uk/search/label/The%20Friday%20Baby%20Shower/>Friday Baby Shower</a> - we are bringing together a collection of posts on new baby health that can help other parents who are going through the same experiences, Alice @ Mums Make Lists

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