Saturday, May 19, 2012

Parenting Classes

Here's what I think of the concept of parenting classes:

1.  Hi, my name's James and I'm a really shitty example of a parent.

I don't pay any attention to my kids, they do whatever the fuck they want most of the time. It was probably them who keyed the side of your car the other week, but I didn't tell them off. Shit, I don't even know if it was them who did it. I don't really care how they turn out, whether they have good morals, values and standards or any of that guff.

Apparently, that wanker David Cameron has decided I can get some parenting classes. I don't really know what they're about, I don't really care, because I sure as shit won't be going to any of them, because I'm a really shitty example of a parent.

2.  Hi, my name's Richard and I'm a good, average example of a parent.

I love my kids, I'm in touch with what they're up to most of the time. They get up to a bit of mischief every now and then, but they're given a telling off when they need it and they know right from wrong. I do my best to make sure they're being brought up right, and I think I'm doing a pretty good job.

Apparently, that wanker David Cameron has started rolling out parenting classes. They sound like a good idea, sometimes we all need a little help. But I've got friends who are also parents, all the books about parenting and I know where to go online to get advice I trust. I don't think I need classes on top of that, I mean, what can they tell us that isn't already easily available? Seems like it might be a waste of time and money.

3.  Hi, my name's Gideon and I've got a bank balance the size of a small African nation's GDP, I also have kids and I want what's best for them.

We have a full time nanny, who's very well qualified and always knows what to do when little Tarquin plays up. When the time comes he'll be off to boarding school, just like his daddy. They'll teach him all he needs to know, right up until he gets his place at Cambridge and becomes a board member at a blue chip firm.

Apparently that wanker David Cameron is going to waste a load of our money on some stupid parenting classes. Of course I won't be going; they'll no doubt be teeming with poor people.

4.  Hi, my name's David Cameron and I'm trying REALLY HARD to convince everyone that I think family is the most important thing in this country, while allowing my party to systematically strip away layer upon layer of the support networks that exist for vulnerable families at present.

I've introduced parenting classes because if I go on about loads of STUFF all the time no-one will notice that I'm not enough of a Tory to be good at that, but just enough of one to fuck up everything I touch.

We're all in this together, innit. Brrrrap.

So, where do I sign up, and what do you all think? Parenting classes, yay or nay?

41 comments:

  1. This post is genius.
    FACT.

    I just so happen to agree that David Cameron is a wanker too . Parenting class - meh. Less patronising Cameron and more help to families living in poverty.

    *dismounts my sopabox*

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    1. Thanks missus.

      Is there anyone who doesn't agree with my thoughts on DC? Surely not...

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  2. Couldn't agree more with this, new government initiative. What a crock of shit

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    1. Thanks for reading (and agreeing).

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  3. Its somewhat insulting that he makes the assumption that we all need help as parents. I for one read most of the information I needed to know prior to having children, as did all my friends. And the rest...? You learn the rest along with your new baby as they all have individual needs and personalities that dont fit into textbooks or parenting classes.

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    1. I don't doubt there are people who would want the help, I wouldn't even rule myself out of that group, but I don't think this is the way to go about it.

      Especially as it seems the classes are likely to be contracted out to a firm with strong connections to the Tory party.

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  4. You sir are a satirical genius! Loved it!

    I had support with my first, advice and classes available at my now shut by Torys sure start centre. Now on baby three- don't even have my own health visitor - there is just a team, no appts, turn up, wait hours, see a stranger. I used my health visitor so much with my first baby, don't bother now. But it's sad for first timers who need support.

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    1. Thank you, I'm glad you liked it :-)

      We've had a great experience with the midwife and health visitor since our littl'un was born. If that is something that's going to disappear, I'd rather they spent the money there than on these classes.

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  5. Ha, excellent.

    Mr Cameron and his delightful party are making so many cuts for Sure Start centres (like the one near us) that they're having to cut back on everything so they can survive.

    Good old Tory Britain... it's like we all forgot (well, I say we, as I voted Lib Dem in the last election so I'm kind of part-responsible for this mess).

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    1. Exactly. Cutting away at the Sure Start centres doesn't tally up with the "family first" rhetoric that accompanies these classes.

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  6. complete waste of money. Nobody will go. Brilliant post

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  7. Great post! Sadly I think if people feel bullied into doing parenting classes, no one will attend. I agree that people need help being a parent but not at all convinced that this is going to work.

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    1. He says the classes are about removing the stigma of asking for help. I'm not sure they will.

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  8. Of course there were ALREADY free parenting classes at Sure Start centres, before cuts to local government forced many to shut. But then, they weren't run by companies with links to prominent Tory MPs.

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  9. Can still get free parenting classes if you look about for them. There are two types of people who attend.

    A) Ok parents who want to make sure their kids don't turn out like parent type B

    B) People who have been told to attend by social services, and really don't give a shit.

    'Sure Start' is a valuable resource for parents from all backgrounds. So they fuck it up.....

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    1. I'd far rather have seen Sure Start left alone, than the introduction of this. Rarely seem to hear a bad word about Sure Start.

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  10. Just about sums it all up nicely particularly "I'm not enough of a Tory"...
    David Cameron, the liberal thinking Conservative.

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    1. He's the most powerful non-entity I can think of.

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  11. Read this on my phone this morning on the train in to town. Absolutely brilliant post. Hits the nail right on the head.

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    1. Cheers dude, thanks for reading :-)

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  12. Firstly I actually like DC, I think on the whole he's doing a good job and I agree with the idea of promoting families. But totally agree with you that these classes are an utter waste of time and money. As you capture those who could do with support and advice won't go or listen as they resent any interference from the state.
    Sure start is/was a good scheme and the money spent on these classes would be better spent on more health visitors and midwives.

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    1. I'd be all for DC's family promotion if I believed it was anything more than empty rhetoric. I don't believe that these classes make it any less empty, as whatever benefit there may be is more than negated by the loss of Sure Start.

      Also, YES to more midwives and quality health visitors.

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  13. Sure, you can 'learn' to be a good parent. Just wait till they have exams and tests and certificates! Then we'll need to apply to become a parent, and that way, we can weed out the useless and undesirable and poor, and the whole country will be filled with lovely little DavCam clones.

    What a noob.

    You write excellently on a very contentious topic. I don't think you'll find many people who will disagree with you!

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    1. Thanks for the kind words MoVo, means a lot coming from someone who writes so well :-)

      If they ever bring in tests for parenting there's going to be a lot of people in trouble...

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  14. I disagree!
    It is a brilliantly written post though.

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    1. Well, I certainly wasn't expecting everyone to, thanks for commenting regardless :-)

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  15. Great post did make me chortle however I do think that some would benefit from these classes, obviously not us as we are pure perfection!

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    1. Haha, pure perfection I am most certainly not, and I agree that they could benefit some people. I just think there are better ways they could have done it.

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  16. I agree that tax money these days should be spent wisely, but I'm not sure that this idea is that bad. I live in one of the 3 councils that are testing this initiative and I had a look at the classes and, let me tell you, they look all very promising. There are many interesting choices and some are things that you would never be able to "learn on the job'. There is a Montessori one about raising toddlers. There is one for parents of 3-5 years old that is organised by the local schools and teaches the parents how to get the best out of schooling and how to connect with local resources. I could go on. There are some about kids with disabilities, some about teaching language in an effective way. I could go on even more. But, really, they all seem very interesting and useful and not the kind of stuff that 'you'd learn on the job'. Also, I attended some council run sessions about weaning and there were mothers who could not speak English, but that somehow the council managed to entice in the free class, even providing interpreters. I think one has to appreciate that the plan might have many faults and that the money could be used elsewhere, but ultimately I'm happy he came out with the plan and I will take advantage of it. I'm not sure if you would be so against it once you saw the classes on offer and the opportunities that they represent.

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    1. That's very interesting, thank you for your comment :-)

      I am actually not against the idea of the classes, I just think the execution will leave a lot to be desired.

      If you do go to any, I'd love to know how you get on.

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  17. Great blog. I totally agree. The parents that these classes may be beneficial (the ones who don't give a shit) won't be bothered to go anyway. Waste of money.

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  18. You had me chuckling away, so much so that I had to pass the laptop over to my hubbie for a read. Hear, hear - a bloody fast tat they took the funding form the sure start centres and that gave a website, just what we need more virtual resources for those parents who would not dream of going online! Mich x

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    1. Glad it made you laugh (I'll be honest, that was the main aim...)

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  19. What a brilliantly worded post. I think many of us can see that the idea in principle is a good one - and it is great to read From Fun To Mum's feedback as someone in a test area for the scheme. But the problem is, once you look at the bigger picture about what the government is really doing to support, or should that be un-support, parents and families, you realise what a mess this Gov has us all in. I also find it hard to believe that the families who really would benefit from these classes - and who society would benefit from having take these classes - will ever go near a class.

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    1. That's just it isn't it? It isn't just about the introduction of these classes, it's the systematic unravelling of all the good stuff that was already there.

      Plus, of course, this is just one of the areas they're doing it.

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  20. Im completly on your side David Cameron IS a pretentious wanker!! Wasting money on things we dont need when he should actually be using them funds for something families need, like not stopping my tax credits(me bitter? maybe a bit) ;-)Great post xx

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  21. Well said. He's a complete wanker who hasn't got a clue what he's doing. I can't see these classes taking off. He should invest the money elsewhere - perhaps in 'how not to be an offensive human being and thoroughly useless prick' classes...

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  22. Top job matey! Shall be a follower from now on :)

    I have stopped using the centers since they went private. It's a real shame and the end of another brilliant, personal service.

    Parenting lessons? Genius - NOT! If we all know the people who need them wont go surely DC must also realise this too??

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